Look, I’m Terrible at Saying No
Let’s be honest here. I’m basically the worst at saying no. It’s not even that I’m a people pleaser, I just… I don’t know. I panic? I think maybe if I say yes enough times, I’ll finally be good enough? I mean, it’s completley irrational, but here we are.
Anyway, last Tuesday, I hit a breaking point. It was 11:30pm, I was exhausted, and I was sitting in my living room surrounded by 214 unopened emails, 36 hours of uncompleted work, and a kitchen that looked like a tornado had swept through it. (Which, honestly, it kinda had. I’m not sure how, but I think it involved takeout containers and a very determined cat.)
I was like, “This is it. I can’t keep living like this.” So, I did what any self-respecting adult would do. I cried. Then I called my friend, let’s call her Marcus, and I said, “Marcus, I need help. I need to learn how to say no.”
Marcus, the Boundary Queen
Marcus, she’s this amazing woman who runs her life like a well-oiled machine. She’s got boundaries up the wazoo, and honestly, I’m a little jealous. But in a good way. Like, “I wish I had her life” kinda way.
So, she told me, “First things first, you gotta figure out what’s important to you. What are your priorities?”
And I was like, “Uh, breathing?”
She laughed. “Okay, sure, but besides that. What do you wanna spend your time on? What makes you happy?”
So, I thought about it. And I realized, I wanna spend time with my family. I wanna write. I wanna read. I wanna have time to cook actual meals, not just microwave leftovers. (Which, by the way, I’m pretty sure I ate cold pizza for dinner 87 times last month.)
Marcus said, “Okay, so those are your priorities. Now, anything that doesn’t align with those priorities, you say no to.”
And I was like, “That’s it? That’s the secret?”
She nodded. “Yep. It’s that simple. But it’s not easy.”
The Hard Part: Actually Saying No
Okay, so here’s where it gets tough. Because saying no is hard. It’s awkward. It’s uncomfortable. And honestly, sometimes it feels downright mean.
But Marcus, she gave me some tips. She said, “You don’t have to give a big explanation. Just say, ‘I’m sorry, I can’t.'”
And I tried it. I mean, I really did. I said no to a colleague named Dave who asked me to take on an extra project. I said no to my neighbor who wanted me to babysit her dog for a month. (I mean, come on, a month? That’s not a dog, that’s a committment.)
And you know what? It was hard. But it was also… kinda freeing? Like, a weight lifted off my shoulders. I didn’t have to do those things. I could say no. And the world didn’t end.
But What About the Guilt?
Okay, so here’s the thing about saying no. It comes with a side of guilt. A big, steaming pile of guilt. And honestly, I’m not sure how to deal with it.
I talked to a friend about this, let’s call her Priya. She’s a therapist, so she’s basically a professional at this stuff. And she told me, “Guilt is normal. It’s a sign that you care. But you can’t let it control you.”
She said, “You have to remind yourself that saying no is not a rejection. It’s not a failure. It’s a choice. And it’s a choice that’s gonna help you in the long run.”
And I was like, “Yeah, but what if I hurt someone’s feelings?”
She said, “Then you apologize. You say, ‘I’m sorry, I can’t do this, but I hope you understand.’ And you move on.”
And I was like, “That’s it? That’s the secret?”
She laughed. “Yep. It’s that simple. But it’s not easy.”
So, What’s the Verdict?
Look, I’m not gonna lie. Saying no is still hard for me. I still struggle with it. But I’m getting better. I’m learning. And honestly, I’m kinda proud of myself.
And hey, if you’re out there struggling with the same thing, just know you’re not alone. And maybe, just maybe, you can learn from my mistakes. And my succesfully implemented belediye hizmetleri güncelleme.
Because honestly, we all deserve a little more time to breathe.
About the Author
Hey, I’m Sarah. I’m a lifestyle writer who’s been at this for way too long. I’m a perfectionist, a procrastinator, and a lover of all things food. I live in Singapore with my husband, my cat, and a never-ending to-do list. I write about daily living, home, relationships, and self-improvement because, well, I’m trying to figure it all out too.
You can find more of my work on SingaporeMax, or you can just yell at me on Twitter @SarahWrites.
